Authentic relationships are a key factor in ensuring children in foster care are given the emotional support needed to heal from the significant trauma they’ve often experienced. As a foster parent, you’re given the opportunity to serve as a mentor, guide and advocate for the children in your care. We’ve developed three recommendations to help you engage children that have come into your care after spending time in an institutional setting like a hospital or treatment center:

1. Create Connection

Even if you are only in the child’s life temporarily, make a genuine effort to develop a connection with them. Sometimes connections can happen if you give them the opportunity to discover who they are, show genuine interest in their interests, and remind them that they are not a temporary fixture, but a person who is welcome in your life. Children in foster care don’t need someone who acts like one of their peers or someone who is simply paid to care for them, they need a trusted adult who can guide them safely and successfully into the next chapter of their journey.

2. Establish Balance

Maintain a healthy balance between structure and flexibility. Routines and structure are important in a child’s life to build time management skills, create good habits and even strengthen relationships by encouraging time together. Creating an environment that is structured but flexible shows kids that you value them, are willing to listen to them and that you want what’s best for them.

3. Encourage Honesty and Realness

The child in your home is an incredibly brave and resilient individual who has overcome difficult circumstances. They already know that life can be hard and unfair, so pretending everything is perfect won’t help them discover their next steps to a brighter future. Talk openly with the child about challenges and opportunities and allow them to see that even adults aren’t immune to making mistakes. With love, honesty and a willingness to listen, you can create an environment where children feel seen, known and wanted.

Helping children in foster care heal and be prepared to thrive in adulthood is a collaborative effort, especially for children who have just come out of an institutional setting. Want more ideas like the ones listed above? The Texas Youth Permanency Study pilot report offers insight for birth families, foster families, adoptive families, caseworkers, mental health professionals and judges. TYPS is part of an ongoing effort in collaboration with The Texas Institute for Child & Family Wellbeing to build evidence to better understand the realities of children leaving foster care and entering young adulthood. Our goal is to find new ways of understanding permanency that will create foundations for children to thrive in young adulthood regardless of how they leave foster care.
Find Out More About Becoming a Foster Parent

Your team at Upbring Foster In Texas is here to help you navigate all the ups and downs of foster care and would be happy to help you find even more ways to help the children in your life succeed now and after they leave your care. For more information about fostering through Upbring, visit

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